Hessischkurs für Amerikaner Südhessisc …

Hessischkurs für Amerikaner

Ei gude wie
Hello, how are you?

What’s going on?

Kumm Hoiner, steck der a ao o
Do you want to smoke, Henrik?

Was hattan da de babba da?
What helds the father in his hand?

Kummschd uff Pfingschd uff Pfungschd?
Do you come on whitsun to Pfungstadt?

Hinne anne geihts no Branne
The way to Brandau starts at the backside (of the house)

Aasch glaab s gehd lous!
Are you nuts?

Aa horschemol!
Listen to this!

Bread without meat

Du ahle Babbsagg!
You suck!

Heinz Schenk
David Bowie

Stupid person!

Excuse me Sir, could you please be so kind to repeat your statement. I couldn’t hear you well.

about half a pint of a sour alcoholic apple wine

Mer waases net.
I don t know.

Deeft isch emohl eier Metzelsopp vesuuche?
May I taste your battlesoup?

Morsche! – Aach Morsche!
Good morning to you! – Good morning to you, too!

Des is abber babbisch!
This is a little sticky!

Die hat doch en Dubbe!
She s nuts!

Mer laaft de brieh de stern enunnee.
Sweat is running down my face.

Heit brennt de planeeet widder.
It s really hot today.

Pay attention

Isch werd rammdoesisch
I m feeling kind of weird

Kenndisch graad verriggd werrn!
I m going mad

Ooch gee haahm!
Be off with you, you foolish person!

isch mach weideh
Good bye.

The European Commission has just announc …

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby

English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as „Euro-English“.

In the first year, „s“ will replace the soft „c“. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard „c“ will be dropped in favour of the“k“. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome „ph“ will be replaced with „f“. This will make words like „fotograf“ 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent „e“s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing „th“ with „z“ and „w“ with „v“. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary „o“ kan be dropd from vords kontaining „ou“ and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!